he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
