i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
