Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
