Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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