i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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