its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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