Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
