U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
