Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
