Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
