Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
