She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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