if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
