are you still at the devil's house?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
