Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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