I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
