That's intense
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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