It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
