We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
