Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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