I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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