he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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