Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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