on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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