the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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