mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
