for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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