Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
