You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
