She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
