Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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