what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
