How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
