so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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