Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
