Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
