we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
