i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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