In the future we'll all be gay
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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