Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
