what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You took a bar mat shot.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
