my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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