I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
