i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
