before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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