He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
