Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
