Pants 0. Shit 1.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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