now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
