my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
