Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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