I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
