You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
