Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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